please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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