Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Acid is not a monday night drug
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
