I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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