I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
