And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
