What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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