and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
