I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
