10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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