Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
