Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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