ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
