Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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