i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I love you. Go after that dick
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
