Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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