So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize