twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sarcasm needs its own font
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
