omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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