I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
