Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
