Me. At least after what I've been through.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
