my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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