bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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