You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
