ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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