I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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