Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
