After last night, I could never be a politician.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
