My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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