Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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