Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
