Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
