Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
