she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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