She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
