Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
