Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
