apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
