The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
