Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
