I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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