Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
