dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
