He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Do vagina's smell?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
