dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
