she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
