i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
