how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
