Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
