sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
