clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
