Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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