If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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