shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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