Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
