Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
