god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
