Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
