Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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