I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
