when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
