I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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