The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
