i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
