just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
