yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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