Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
