I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
