apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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