what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
