Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
