she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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