I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
