worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize