apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
