Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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